Monthly Archives: February 2009

Consummate geeks

Today, I am going to prove to you that geeks are the perfect lover. I made this conclusion after a careful analysis by integrating the economics and business concepts which I learned from class.

Why do I say such contention? What do geeks have that simpletons don’t have? I have presented a succinct executive summary below which corroborates my argument.

Minimum capital-effort requirement during the courting stage. Show some effort and sincerity and the geek will tell you right away whether they will commit to you or not. They would not want to waste time for they consider it astronomically essential. If the cost-benefit analysis would show that they will benefit from the relationship, then you’re both happy. But if the relationship is infeasible and non-beneficial, they will straightforwardly turn you down.

Minimal number of competitors. The only competition that would greatly affect your relationship with a geek are the authors of his books, or his professors, who are either dead or dying. I suppose you wouldn’t be jealous of Tolkien, Mortimer or Samuelson, would you?

Significant and immediate marginal benefits. Now who wouldn’t love perks? You will certainly get a lot if your lover is a geek. For the moment, I was only able to identify three. I’m sure you can think of more.

1. All-in-one lover and tutor. Geeks come in handy if you have difficulties in your academics or dissertation. Had you picked a simpleton, all you can glean from him/her is this line, “Cut the crap. Let’s just have sex.” But if your lover’s a geek, he or she will probably utter, “You want me to even illustrate the solution while we’re doing it?”

2. Supplier of “trivia-of-the-day” as well as “word-of-the-day”. Geeks appreciate even the most trivial thing in the world. Ask him something, he can definitely provide a profound explanation about it. Moreover, you’ll learn highfalutin, complicated and multi-syllabic words from geeks, not just d-o-g, c-a-t, p-i-g, and s-e-x.

3. Talking about sex… Great sex partner? Contrary to popular belief, I do not think that geeks are boring in bed. With all those neurons in place, I am quite confident that they can be very aggressive and daring.

Geeks do not depreciate, unlike property, plant and equipment. In contrast, they appreciate with time. Knowledge increases the market value of an individual particularly his salary. For the practical purpose of financial security, I seriously advice you to choose a geek compared to somebody whose market value lies solely on their beauty and charm. Beauty fades and inevitably, their market value would also decline.

Low maintenance cost. You don’t have to go to bars or go out-of-town just to have fun. A normal reading session would already suffice. If you want to go on a date, you can always bring your geek lover to Jolibee or McDonald’s. Just remember one thing: Inform the geek five days before your date to avoid conflicts of schedule, i.e. exams or quizzes, cosplay.

Geeks have low satiation level. Threat of a third party is negligible. You don’t have to worry that your geek will ditch you or something. They don’t easily get dissatisfied. Think of it this way: Geeks love books, which, to begin with, are monochromous and lifeless. Why would then they not love you?

They follow the principle of situational contingency. This simply means they can adapt to different situations. They can adjust themselves to eccentric and foolish behaviors. Say, you guys were faced with a dilemma. Geeks have a knack for this. He’ll probably say, let X = the solution, Y = the problem, Z = the formula. Where Z is equal to the derivative of blah blah multiplied to the square of relative extrema of the blah blah. Concisely, they will use Calculus, Algebra, Geometry and Physics to resolve the problems. Cool, right?

Incremental opportunity cost relative to the long term benefits. Geeks are long term planners. They overanalyze the situations, and plan every single step that they’re going to do until they die. If you want a hassle-free, stable and long term relationship, a geek is the right person for you.

You will acquire strategic competitive advantage once your lover is a geek. Differentiation — everybody wants a hunk/sexy fashionista lover, meaning, you’re unoriginal and platitudinal. If your lover is a geek, you differentiate yourself from the rest. Alliance Strategy — you ally yourself with a walking cerebrum. Focus — introducing your geek lover to your friends would never be an embarrassment. You can tell your friends all the extraordinary things that your geek lover can do. But if your lover is just mediocre, you would just say, “Mabait ito eh, kaya mahal ko.” Yeah right. Vague and overused.

Geeks have a promising future — wouldn’t you want to be loved by the next Bill Gates? There are quite a number of geeks who were able to claim international recognition. This is simply because they know what they want and they have the capability to get it. I am not sure if I was able to successfully persuade you with my propositions. But trust me people, I am a part-time geek.

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Why should there be no EDSA 4?

1. Yes, the world was once awed with how we exemplified democracy and civil rights roughly twenty years ago. The way we bristled and marched along the monolithic EDSA to show our detestation over the Marcos regime. And because we are so ultranationalistic and we love taking our harangues to the streets, we did it again to the Estrada regime. Then I’d quote Leona Lewis, “once or twice was enough, and it was all in vain.” The world has seen so much of our patriotism. Now what we need to show them is melioration, not just loud bombastic declamations at the streets.

2. EDSA now, compared to what it looked like twenty years ago, has been flyover-ized. It would be difficult for civil rights group to march and coast along flyovers. Moreover, it’s not anymore ideal to gather at the EDSA Shrine for it will cause massive traffic and you don’t want that to happen. Massive traffic will result to impediments in economic progress altogether.

3. We need lots of permits to fully execute a rally. That would consume helluva time. I still have accounting homeworks.

4. The level of apathy nowadays has risen up significantly. Meaning, there would be less participants. Meaning, less turnout. Meaning, epic fail.

5. It’s summer, the heat is definitely on. Higher risks of heat hyperpyrexia and dehydration. Could be fatal.

6. Yes, a “people power” uprising makes direct democratic action a reality. But keyword here is direct democratic. Is it really just sheer democratic action? Or is it already conflated with self-interests of surly airhead politicians?

7. Doing it again would just make us a laughing stock of the entire globe.

8. Nothing can take away EDSA I’s legacy as a peaceful cry of freedom for all oppressed people worldwide. We have shown our yearning for our country’s bright future, and all we can do is to just look at it with profound nostalgia. There have been warnings of Filipinos’ propensity to rally up again with each crisis of governance. But practically, taking it to the streets would not resolve this. Everyone needs to work their asses off if we really want to achieve this bright future we’re hankering.

9. Let me quote GMA, “The world embraced EDSA 1, the world tolerated EDSA 2, the world will not forgive EDSA 3 but instead condemn the country for having a very unstable political system.”


The ball

The ball had been set into motion around the spinning wheel. There were no slots to rest in. The wheel kept spinning at a uniform speed. Neither the ball nor the wheel will come to a halt anytime soon.

In the darkness of my mind I was groping for the mechanical switch.

There was none. Stop the roulette! The ball leapt into space spinning… spinning fast.

The reading: one eighty over one twenty four. Not what I simply thought it was.


Aussie Open Scribbles

1. So the first grand slam for this year has already been decided, and it was won by the number one seed, the dude with rather bulbous biceps, Rafael Nadal, against the very formidable Roger Federer. The finals match itself could already be considered as the most gruelling one in the history of Australian Open, although still disputable, for we have seen a caliber of tennis greatness from two of the most aggressive players in the roster.

2. Dinara being creamed by the androgynous yet incredibly incredible Serena. There are lots of compunctions this year in the women’s league. One, Ivanovic being beaten by Kleybanova. Two, Sharapova’s absence due to an injury. We miss her quasi pornstar screams. Three, Jankovic losing to Bartoli. Four, Venus losing to Carla Navarro.  But despite all the regrets, we have seen a great tennis comeback by Jelena Dokic. Someone to watch out for in the French Open.

3. Rafa’s change of wardrobe. Veered away from his usual capri shorts and sleeveless muscle T’s. Donned a regular polo with collar and shorts showing his full knees. Looked younger. Tweaking what Obama said, “[Wardrobe] change is what [Rafa] needs.”

4. Fed crying after the finals match. It was hard not to cry with him. Although I was rooting for Rafa, the sight of Fed would have been enough to make me reach for tissue rolls. If that wasn’t enough for you, then the sight of Rafa putting his arm around him in friendly consolation, would have set off a worldwide outbreak of snivels.

5. Verdasco nearly beating Rafa. It was a battle of two hooking left-handed players with hair-raising passing shots. But Rafa is the tour’s most feared defensive player, so he was able to keep up with Verdasco’s pace. But an altogether well-played tennis by Verdasco.

6. Rafa’s massive improvement on hard court.

7. Next: French Open.