I am

I am a three-brain-cell organism. That is my personal contention.

Instead of having trillions of neurons in my cerebrum in charge of ensuring that I am able to use all of my organic parts properly and also in processing billions of information everyday, I believe that I have three oversized brain cells which basically comprise the so-called “Utak-ni-Ken”.

Brain cell no. 1 is tasked with handling my multiple personality — it ensures that I am able to act accordingly to situational contingencies, able to adapt with what is demanded by my environment and cause personality, mood and mindset shifts which can be mild to extreme. Simply put, Brain Cell No. 1 keeps me grounded.

Brain cell no. 2 works on everything related to me and my dweebish life. It serves as a data warehouse of my plans for world domination, information on Bill Gates’ secret success, the location of the fountain of youth and the Holy Grail, and of course, data on marketing, operations, economics, a bit of finance and accounting, mathematics, logic, calculus, fundamentals of statistics and everything else which falls in the for-nerdy-people-only category. Shortly described as the one that makes Ken boring, linear and monotonous.

And the most important of them all: Brain cell no. 3 — this makes me the nice cool kid. It helps me write random rantings, the one to blame why I still don’t have a stable lovelife, and does all other dirty work which Brain Cell 1 and Brain Cell 2 can’t handle, deciding on whether to be the ultimate bum or the most pathetic jerk included.

If at one point you wonder what my brain would probably look like, then perhaps this one will give you a pretty good idea. Long live me and my 3 brain cells!


About Kenneth Theodore

I translate ethnic slurs. View all posts by Kenneth Theodore

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